So you have enough sinus pressure built up that you wouldn't be shocked if you blew diamonds out of your nose? Well fear not, I have an ancient remedy passed down to me by a lady I met at a restaurant in Rapid City, SD (avoid if possible). It's so simple, you'll kick yourself for not thinking of it. Or your face will contort as you imagine the horrific taste... Either way, you're a man! So sit up straight and take it like a man! Here's the concoction:
1. Get your self some orange juice. Any kind will do. Remember "Donald Duck" orange juice? Get some of that if you can. The nostalgia will be calming.
2. Get yourself some hot sauce. Tabasco is fine, but if you're really trying to party, get some Sriracha. And then use that Sriracha on EVERYTHING, because it's delicious.
3. Now, combine your items. Go ahead. Just slam some of that hot sauce right into a glass of orange juice. It'll be weird. But mix it up good. Now you have a spicy-orange juice acidic enough to strip the wood paneling off of your mom's station wagon.
4. Drink it down! The juice will rehydrate and deliver much-needed vitamins and calcium. The hot sauce will blast through your sinuses like the Kool-Aid man through a brick wall. Feel free to adjust the amount of hot sauce, as it may not be spicy enough.
There you have it! The perfect remedy! I know it sounds crazy, but try it. The lady in South Dakota can't be wrong!