WalMart deceptively fills its discount DVD bins with repetitive B-movies and sequels. This prevents you, the valued customer, from finding the long-lost classic you’re trying to revisit. Under the abyss of Home Alone 4 and the newest The Land Before Time, one can find Culkin in his iconic role as Kevin McCallister and Little Foot’s original journey. Follow these tactical steps to succeed.
1. Co-operative Play – Never attempt the discount bin alone. The circumference area one must cover is too wide for only two hands. More help, the better.
2. Don’t Deep Dive – Plunging one’s arm aimlessly under only produces innumerable copies of Veggie Tales and a Steven Segal flick.
3. Move counterclockwise – Because I said so.
4. Don’t Rush – Five minutes in the bin easily turns into 20 as each film strikes a different chord of nostalgia: if you have plans, cancel them, you’re going to be there for a while.
5. Have fun – You’re an adult. Before facing the reality of why you’re at Wal-Mart (no food in the fridge, replacing some appliance, etc.) bask in the pleasantries of an easier, breezier past.
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